Let me ask you a question. This question I would like to address to both Companions and gentlemen: is there or can there be a certain hollowness to the meeting experience?
I realise I will probably need to clarify what I mean by this question before you can give an honest answer, so here goes.
When meeting someone, particularly if it is as a regular event, can you ever say you really know them?
We know, no matter how well we may get on during a meeting, a lady or a gent is only someone we will know in bite-sized segments and no-one will ever really know the true person in-depth, will they?
Despite how much parties can chat, discretion always means there is always so much which goes unsaid or does not get discussed or cannot be covered.
There are questions one feels one can never ask and there are many things one would love to know, not in a nosey or even sinister way, mere out of curiosity and a desire to know the other person better.
Some people are naturally more generous of themselves than others and feel more at ease to divulge details about themselves. Yet there is nothing wrong if someone does not feel comfortable to be open, it just means two parties will never know each other as well.
There is a certain hollowness in the feeling of being close in so many ways, yet such strangers in others. The barriers which mean one cannot ever really ask some things without seeming like one is prying, create a certain degree of distance and separation, regardless of how close the parties are in other ways.
This situation can feel more compounded by the frequency and regularity of meetings. The better parties may know each other, whilst retaining this separation enhances the hollowness one may experience.
Do you ever really know each other? Yes! Whilst I accept it is very unusual and maintaining discretion is important for most parties, it is possible to meet a person one trusts and clicks with to the degree where there are no barriers.
I know one lady like this and we share openly and there is no awkwardness. We know if either of us has an issue in their lives, it can be readily discussed and with great empathy. Furthermore, we have no secrets from one and another. There is never that awkward feeling where one knows the other person is holding out on them, yet one has to accept it as part of the discretion boundaries.
The only hollowness one feels with these meetings is when they are over and there is a gap until our next liaison.
Yet, this is the exception, not the norm, so my usual experience is where the hollow feeling is there that I do not and probably never will know my favourite Companions as well as I would like.
This is not to say I believe this is wrong. Far from it. I fully acknowledge and accept the boundaries of the scene and I would never advocate anyone ever seek to transgress these, except in exceptional circumstances and will the complete agreement of both parties.
How about you? Do you experience a degree of hollowness too?